This story is one you may recognise yourself in. If so, read it till the very end, as it might bring you solace. Although, you may find it hard to read till the end if you are under The Spell. That is what this type of addiction does to your brain. We can no longer focus. We are forgetful. Agitated. All over the place. We start googling ADHD symptoms, wondering if we actually have it. If you are wondering ‘Am I addicted to my phone?’, then the answer is probably yes. This is what I believe is going on, and why I decided to take a break.
It had been bugging me for a while now. The addiction to my smartphone, and what it’s doing to my brain. Every ten minutes I checked it. For what? I did the same cycle every time: email, Insta, facebook, LinkedIn. And then there’s the Whatsapp groups. Another half an hour wasted. Because what happened online? Zero.
Repeating the scrolling cycle every ten minutes
I check my inbox again (Amazon sending me spot-on recommendations for books I buy but never make time for. And a special offer from Toys r Us – how did I get onto that list?).
I swipe through Insta stories of people I hardly know. I yawn. But hey, new followers! Bam. Dopamine hit.
Facebook littered with ads but I keep scrolling until I stumble across the cake making efforts of my ex-neighbour from six years ago, 2000 miles away. It looks yum. I give her a Like.
LinkedIn? Ugh. Too much masculine energy on there but I somehow can’t leave the scene.
The mindless scrolling. The procrastination. The distraction. The avoiding of the real work, the creative work, and especially – the inner work. I started to really, really hate it. It felt yuck, unhealthy, and as if something had complete control over me. I was possessed. Taken over by The Fruit Fly, leaving little holes in my being, making me forgetful, agitated, unfocused – and very unaligned.
Freedom is my everything. Why did I so easily hand it over to this device? I am shackled to the tiny computer in my hand that tracks me, counts my steps, follows my every move online, and makes my neck grow in a curve. It is great to be connected, but at what price? And connected to what?
Am I addicted to my phone?
I caught myself doing it everywhere.
On the train, scrolling.
On the beach, scrolling.
In a cafe, scrolling.
Sitting with my husband in a park. Scrolling.
And when I looked up, I saw hundreds of other zombies doing the exact same thing.
WHY. ON. EARTH.
ADDICTION. ESCAPISM. BOREDOM. CONTROL.
What are we escaping? The present? Is just being in the now too hard for us? Are we like toddlers looking for constant entertainment? Are we that behind in work, that we need every second to catch up? Is it the fear of silence? Having to look into another person’s eyes? Sit with our pain?
ENOUGH.
For the sake of being seen and not forgotten.
Enough. Not just the constant scrolling, but also prostituting ourselves daily on social media to try and get clients – fighting for attention amongst millions of others. Feeling the pressure of making videos, choosing great captions, thinking about impactful posts. Is that real connection? Is that serving deeply?
I am taking a break from social media. Both privately, and for my coaching business. Yes, I will check it still, and maybe, when I feel inspired, I will post something.
Sharing our lives and our message online should come from an authentic place. A heart-felt place, and a place of intention. What is the purpose of my sharing? And what is the purpose of my scrolling?
The online space is so crowded, so noisy, and often false…It is an overstimulating virtual world. I do not want to add to that with more posts for posts-sake. And missing out on the cake making efforts of my ex-neighbour 2000 miles away? Perhaps I should connect to my current neighbour and bring over some cake. Without taking a selfie.
Slow marketing. Real connection.
I love writing an email, or a blog post. It is quieter, slower. Slow marketing is possible. In an email or blog post, I feel I write to you personally, and can serve much more deeply. And my leads come through google, I don’t go after them. People find me. I do not need to constantly be in the crowd of social media, fishing for profiles. I crave the space and focus to create away from the distraction. And maybe, I will share it on Instagram, once a week. Maybe not.
I don’t know if you need to hear this, but today I give you full permission to take a break from social media. You deserve better than being a slave to your device and prostituting your life for a few thumbs up but no leads. If you truly love Instagram or LinkedIn, great! – keep sharing from the heart – post – but then step away from the screen. Don’t keep waiting for that dopamine hit and the outer validation. You are enough, and you are worthy.
You know you want a better balance. So delete the apps off your phone, just check it on your laptop now and then. That is enough. See what happens (probably nothing!). Unsubscribe from all the store emails like amazon and others you bought from. You don’t need another book on that unread pile.
Invest in other ways to share your beautiful message authentically. Go to meetups. Organise an in-person workshop or event, talk to real people. Start writing more profoundly, to your email list, on your blog, or on Substack or Medium, if you want to publish more widely.
Or perhaps… just journal for yourself for a while to go within and reconnect with your spirit and your truth. Do you remember who you are?
You deserve better
I have finished reading two books in the past month since I kicked my habit, and I am calmer, more present, and way less distracted. It is not easy, as screens are everywhere, but I believe we owe ourselves a better quality of time. We check our phones an average of 58 times, more than three hours, every single day. And that is on top of other screen time, such as sitting at our laptops. Are you OK with that? Would you be happy at the end of your life, knowing you spent most of your precious time online?
Take a break. Try it, even as a 3-week experiment this Summer. See what happens. Let me know how it goes.
Much love,
Nina
PS: Thank you so much for reading this article all the way to the end. You are probably one of the few. It is quite an achievement in this age of distraction.
